I Won't Say I Love You
by BecomeAliveAgain
Summary: I just felt like I was waiting. Waiting for him to make the wrong move that would send me crumbling. But when he knows just want to say or do, it makes it hard to prevent something that's dreaded. But at the last moment something that's unexpected. JSJ


**A/N: **This is my first Glee story. It was really fun to write. I hope you like it. After just two episodes I am already addicted to Jesse! I hope you are to! Ha-ha.

**Pairing: **St. Berry

**Summary: **I just felt like I was waiting. Waiting for him to make the wrong move that would send me crumbling. "You still can't see how much he loves you! He's not lying to you! He loves you Rachel."

**Spoiled By Tears**

Was he really here for me? I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks! I hear what they are saying, and I even understand it. I know perfectly well that Jesse could e a spy. And believe me, just because he says he's not doesn't mean I believe him.

I know that if I were to tell anyone that I even thought I was or could be in love with Jesse St. James that I would, basically, be dead. But the idea won't leave my head, that mayo, just maybe, the reason I wanted so badly to believe him was because I am in love with him (even after only dating for a miniscule two weeks). I knew what heart break felt like and before Jesse came around I was heartbroken. But he seemed to just fix it, instantaneously. And for the person who took away your broken heart and made it better…for him to be the one that turns around and break your hear, well that's even worse! Double heart break, that was why I couldn't' believe him. Because no matter how much I thought I loved him, I decided I wasn't going to let my heart slip away so quickly. But even when I did restrain certain parts of me to Jesse, I still felt like he held, in the palm of his hands, my heart. And it just took one wrong squeeze for me to break.

And once he had all my heart, I knew I wouldn't get it back until he threw all the little broken pieces right back in my face.

So, now, I just felt like I was waiting. Waiting for him to make the wrong move that would send me crumbling.

I was back to square one. Was he really here because of me? There were so many other reasons he could be here that didn't even involve me. What if he was here to sabotage our glee club (which is what everyone else thought)? What if he was here just to sabotage Finn, or me, or Mercedes, or even Kurt? He could be here to sabotage the Cheerios. I DON'T KNOW! I don't know why he's here, but…is he here for me? That's all that seems to matter to me.

As we sat next to each other in glee club I ran away with my thoughts as Mr. Schue had us doing scales.

"Come on you guys!" Mr. Schue suddenly screamed. "Get your head in _this_ game and out of your heads. Forget about the guy singing next to you!" Everyone knew who "the guy singing next to you" was. It was Jesse. "Jesse come up here."

Jess, sitting next to me, sighed heaving himself off his chair, doing yet the same thing he'd done all week. Yet again.

All eyes turned to ice as he passed each chair.

"Jesse," Mr. Schue asked, putting a friendly hand on his back, "Who likes you the most in the room?" Everyone scoffed and angry glares were shot at me as everyone yelled my name, not even allowing Jesse to speak.

"Okay," Mr. Schue said, "Now tell me who hates you the most in this room?"

"Mr. Schue!" I interrupted, "is that really necessary?"

Jesse told me to sit down and that everything was fine. No, everything was fine! How could everything be fine? How could ANYTHING be fine?

But I sat down anyway.

Jesse surveyed the room before pointing. Not at Finn, or Puck, not at Kurt or Quinn, no. He pointed at me. Before whispering four horrible words, "Rachel hates me most."

The whole room filed with gasps, including my own.

Mr. Schue wasn't sure, "Well, I'm not sure that was what I was looking for. Are you sure Jesse? I was thinking more Finn."

"I'm sure," he confirmed.

"Care to explain?" I choked out. Filled with pain and yet anger at the same time, I tried to old in my loud yells threatening to erupt.

"Wait!" Brittany shouted, "I don't' get it, Jesse!" Brittany's voice was slow and filled with confusion, "Rachel loves you, so how can she hate you too? She can't." She concluded. "Just like even though a dolphin is a gay shark the dolphin can't be a dolphin and a shark."

"Sure she can," he concluded, ignoring her last comment.

"She does," he began again, "Love me. She just can't trust me. She still thinking I'm a spy."

"Because you are." Interjected Finn.

Jesse was usually very calm but nonetheless he turned to glare at Finn and in a tight tense voice said, "No! I'm not! I love Rachel, and I'm here because of her."

"Guys!" Mr. Schue cried, "He's telling the truth. I'm fed up with all of you judging him. He hadn't been to his old school in two weeks and hasn't even spoken to Shelby since he told her he was leaving."

Even though the evidence made if clear he wasn't a spy, they still didn't believe him.

I stood up and walked over to Mr. Schue and whispered to him, "Can I step out for a moment?" I didn't even glance at Jesse as I gently brushed past him.

"Of course."

I turned the knob on the door and opened it. I didn't walk anywhere, at first anyway. I stood there in front of the little window on the door.

A while later I moved, I walked to the left. I walked down the hall and when I got to the end, I turned around. I passed a couple of people, some of which just stood and watched me as I walked. As I passed the glee club room I felt all there eyes looking at me, and kept going. When I reached the end of the hallway, I didn't turn though. I went over to the lockers and slid down the wall.

I didn't' want to cry, I didn't. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't.

Why couldn't I believe him? Why was I so caught up in this stupid mess? What had I caused? What would happen at regionals? Why was glee club so dramatic?

I felt a hand on my shoulder but I didn't look up.

"Finn," I warned, "go away."

He ignored me, "He's looking for you," He whispered.

"Then why are you here?"

Finn looked away from me. "I don't like him," he whispered, "but he's a good guy." He paused. Then he sighed, "God, Rachel. You're so stupid sometimes."

"Well, thanks Finn," I replied sarcastically. "I can't help it. It comes naturally."

'You still can't see how much he loves you! You're to God dang busy with trying to read through his every word. Trying to see if he's lying, let me help you. He's not. He loves you, Rachel, so, so much."

I didn't answer. He got up and the next thing I knew Jesse was next to me.

He ran a hand through my hair he held a couple of locks in his hand. He bent over to smell my hair before kissing my ear.

I felt a water drop, drop onto my cheek. I quickly looked up at him to see that he was crying. Then I couldn't hold it in anymore. My tears fell from my eyes life a waterfall. I climbed into his lap. I was ruining his shirt, but he just held me tighter.

He kissed my hair quickly just letting me cry. His shirt was spoiled by my tears. When I had finally come dry of tears I looked up at him.

He smiled down at me, kissing my lips softly. My hands ran through his thick curly hair as I wondered why I had every even doubted him in the first place.

"I love you," He whispered for the first time.

And I knew. Everything was going to be all right.


End file.
